by Aldus Marius on Fri Oct 16, 2009 10:01 pm
Salvete omnes...
I know I have been behaving rather (try very) erratically in recent months--thrashing about like a creature in pain, driving people away and allowing myself to be driven away into progressively longer silences. Some of the latter began with certain well-known recent Board events; but it's been long enough now that, if I still feel that way, I have to put the blame on me. No one else is responsible for my feelings, my reactions to things. The brain chemistry doesn't help; but it doesn't dictate everything, either. Yet I feel off-balance, out of kilter, and mostly (quite frankly) like being left the hell alone until I sort myself out. I have not been kind to those unfortunate souls who have needed to interact with me during this time, Annia Minucia being only the latest such. We had a personality conflict; we might have had one anyway, but the way I've been feeling these days made it very much worse. I maltreated her in the matter of the Board templates. There, I've said it. And I'd apologise, but again, in my current state, I can't assure anyone that I wouldn't do it again.
For various reasons, mostly bogus (says me), I have not been able to address my issues with my psychiatric team at the VA. The front desk keeps scheduling my appointments for days the therapist is going to be at a conference, working at the other VA facility in my area, or otherwise unavailable. Long story short, I haven't been seen since August. *That* is not helping.
Does anyone remember me saying, back in March when we got the Cub back, that "Legal custody will have to await those review hearings, but unless Soror flies off the handle again that shouldn't take any longer than six months" ? The hearing was to take place on 14 September. In early August, my sister--the Cub's mother--had a major psychiatric episode. Worse than mine; when DHS came to take the child into protective custody, she is said to have assaulted the social workers and the armed sheriff's deputies (dunno, I wasn't there), to the tune of four felony counts and one misdemeanor. She was no easier to live with the seven weeks she spent in jail; she says they Tased her twice, and Mater and I were denied visits because Soror kept "acting up". Her darling hubby left the state the week after her arrest and only comes back for court hearings and Darla visits. Soror was committed to a state mental-health facility sometime between 18 and 23 September, and it wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that the brave man (sh'yeah right) got up the nerve to go see her. He and I had a talk about that. I wasn't gentle.
Since then it's been hell's-bells to try to get that kid some time with her family. Mater and the foster parents, with DHS' blessing, finally came up with a workable arrangement: Darla comes over Monday mornings, stays over, and goes back Tuesday nights. We have also scored some long weekends with her, most notably on her first birthday (5 September, if you're curious), and she's coming over tonight and staying 'til Tuesday just in time for my birthday. DHS is at last moving forward with what they call a 'kinship placement' in my Mater's (her Avia's) home. Home inspection is next Thursday.
So this is slowly (and hopefully) resolving; but we've all been taking an emotional beating for over a year now, since they took her the first time, and I'm afraid it's finally begun to show on me these last several months. Hell of a time to not get counselling, eh? And, needless to say, with all that going on it's really difficult for me to get worked up about a Web site--any Web site, with or without the tumbleweeds.
Adflictus,
Aldus Marius Peregrinus.